i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
