Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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