I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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