I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
