yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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