Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
