Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
