She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
