I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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