to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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