The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
