do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
