VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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