so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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