Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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