I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
