I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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