Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Farmville is her only friend.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
