I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
