Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42†tv lol
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