Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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