My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
should my penis look like a turkey
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
