come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
