you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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