ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
