Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
