The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
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