and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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