just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i will never coherently bang her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
