i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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