They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
