My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
