im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Semen is not good for contacts.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
