Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
