I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
