First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my shit smells like andre
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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