that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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