All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
