Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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