So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
