____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
