i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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