the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
