I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
pray to the hookup gods
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
