In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
