I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
