I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
