I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
