After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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