I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you made out with another girl for some wings
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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