So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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