Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
