Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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