Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
