I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
