dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
