just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
