Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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