If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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