Porn is love you can see.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
